Lubov Suka (Chapter 8)

Author: Dvizheniya
Genre: Romantic, Comedy, Drama


Chapter 8

Julia awakened the next morning by a text message of her iPhone. She took tiredly the white phone and opened the message.

"Hey my little one)) Have you dreamed something nice? Thanks again for the beautiful evening -. Dimka)"

Julia had to smile about his concern and remembered the last evening. They stayed till late night in the Kurabie restaurant and ordered a large plate of grilled lamb, potatoes and a tomato soup. They talked endlessly about movies, music, the international show business and discovered many similarities. 

The young woman sat up and wrote back to her duetpartner.

"Hey Dimka) I slept well!! But you didn't visit me in my dreams ... Too bad ....))"

When she had sent the message she looked at the clock and realized that she has slept too much. It was already 11.30am. With her her hands she was rubbing over her face, stood up and took her white-colored dressing gown from the wardrobe door. The young woman pulled it over her shoulders and went to breakfast in the kitchen. 

She saw three large suitcases and some large travel bags in the corridor. She frowned and was trying to remember whether Vladim wanted to travel somewhere.
In the kitchen she noticed that only her own dishes were standing in the wall cabinet. The singer slowly took a cup from the cupboard and put it on the work surface. The singer closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Her eyes went back to the suitcases and realized that her boyfriend didn't plan any travel. He obviously decided to move out. She felt an uncomfortable pressure in her stomach and swallowed hardly. Julia sat down at the table, buried her face in her hands. First tears were dropping down her cheeks.

She heard footsteps behind her and the hands slid slowly from her face. With a blurred sight she noticed a familiar bodyshape. It was Vladim. He looked down to her. Then he knelt in front of the quiet sobbing woman and stroked her knees gently. The man observed Julia with an almost pitiful look. With his free hand he took a tissue and rubbed gently the tears from her cheeks. 

"I'm sorry that I have made this decision without you," he said in a quiet and calm voice, his hand still resting on her knees. Julia took a deep breath, her lips trembled a bit. She looked at him, almost reproachfully.

"Why?" she asked and once again some new tears were visible in her eyes.

"Listen...It's obvious that our relationship came to and end. Julitschka, you're such a great woman and the last thing I want it is to loose you. Our relationship will break down by this constant fights and our unique bond for each other will be destroyed. I don't want that and that's why I will move out. We both need a break. If you're ready, I'm your friend. I'll be by your side like a 'brother'. A brother you've never had. The end of our love doesn't mean that we'll never see each other again. I'll always support you matter what you do. "

 "This is new to me," murmured Julia and interrupted Vladim. "I'ver never had a friendship with one of my ex-lovers ... I don't know if I'm able to do it ...".

 "We'll see when the time comes. First, we need a healthy distance from each other, ok?"

 Julia nodded and took the tissue out off Vladim's hand to wipe away the tears again. 

"Why did you make this decision so suddenly? I've told you that that I need time to think about our relationship..."

Vladim cleared his throat, paused and stood up to boil a cup of tea. Julia noticed his sudden sad mood.

"Vladim?" she questioned again with a soft voice as she noticed his sudden mood change.

After he had put on the water for the tea, he turned and rested his hands on the working surface of ​​the kitchen.Vladim questioning eyes looked into Julia's.

"Last night I had a meeting with some workmates...." he paused and took a deep breath, looking on this feet. Then he continued his story, yet his eyes were fixed on the floor. "...the meeting took place in Kurabie restaurant."

She remembered the dinner with Dima when Julia heard the name of the restaurant. It was obvious that Vladim was hurt that he needed to see his girlfriend with her new singing partner.
But the woman also knew that she didn't do anything wrong in the restaurant which could hurt Vladim so much.

"I didn't see you you in Kurabie..." The young woman said thoughtfully.

"I know. You couldn't see me because your eyes were focused on Dima Bilan the whole night..."

Julia felt caught. She swallowed and looked at the tissue on which she was plucking nervously since the conversation started. Then she remembered Vladim's reason why he ended their relationship. Julia looked at him in a serious expression and her eyes got smaller as she was focused on her ex boyfriend who just poured some tea in a blue porcelain cup.

"You didn't think about our friendship. You finished our relationship because you're jealous and you don't tell me the truth, because you know I can't stand jealousy, am I right?"

Vladim shook his head and stir relaxed in his tea to dissolve the sugar in it. 

"That's not true. When I say that I want to save our friendship then I mean it that way. I'm serious. When I saw you in the restaurant, I was aware that our love is beyond saving."

He also sat down at the table and sipped briefly on his tea. Then he looked back at Julia's astonished face.

"The way you've starred at Dima... so dreamy and in love at the same time. You're doing all that unconsciously...but it is obvious that you feel a bit more for him. Besides, I can't remember if you ever looked at me with this 'in love gaze'. You're attracted to Dima and I accept it. It's simply impossible to resist feelings."

Julia looked again at the meanwhile ragged tissue.
It didn't happen so often that the young woman was speechless. Vladim had see through the chaos of her emotions and additionally confronted her with the end of their relationship. Even though they even didn't talk about a solution to fix the problems in the relationship.
Dima or Vladim? Or none of them? Maybe first of all taking a take a deep breath and be a single mother? Thousands of questions ran through her head.

Julia looked over to Vladim who just put his suitcases in front of the door. Each single step of him ached in her heart. Each step was closer to her loneliness. When he took the last suitcase she got up and accompanied him to the door. Vladim put down the suitcase in the house corridor and as he looked in the sad blue eyes observed his ex girlfriend in an almost compassionate gaze. Without a word he took Julia in his arms and hugged her tightly. Once again, tears flowed down her cheek and Julia buried her face in his shoulder. He gently stroked her back.

"Take care, babe! You can call me whenever you want, okay? And the same goes for your children."

Julia looked up at him and odded.

"Drive carefully .." she whispered and took the ragged tissue to wipe her tears from her face. Vladim was stroking her shoulder, nodded, and somehow he had to smile a bit when he saw the destroyed tissue. Just as he was about to turn, he looked at her one last time.

"May I give you the first advice as your so called 'brother'?" he asked cautiously.

Julia pursed her lips and shrugged and wasn't even sure if she was ready to listen to some 'brotherly advice'.

"I hate to destroy your hopes but try to keep your relationship to Dima businesslike. When you integrate too many emotions he will only hurt you in the end. Not that he's doing it with intentional...but Bilan is no man for a solid relationship with a future ... "
Once again, Julia was speechless. Does he really mean this statement in good or jealousy but played a role? One moment she had to Dimas statement in the studio, having a child, think. They did not even know if she wants to have a solid relationship with Dima.

"What?" asked Julia and act as if she hadn't understand his advice acoustically and looked stunned at her ex boyfriend.
Vladim had to smile about it because he knew that Julia understood him clearly.

"Take care, Julitschka ..." he whispered and kissed the forehead of this young woman. He took his last two suitcases and left the apartment.
Julia stood in the doorway and stared into the empty space for a while. She was concentrated on Vladim's how he was going downstairs, while his steps became quieter. The closing of the door let fresh single wince briefly.
It was an unusual silence which made Julia even a bit nervous. The biggest fear of the singer has always been the loneliness. Julia closed the door and made slow steps back into the kitchen. She sat down at the table and pulled Vladims used cup closer. She played with the index finger around the edge of the cup and thought again about the words of her 'lost love'. But too many thoughts, despair, emotions and questions whirled in the young woman's head.
Then Julia recalled her diary which she had used a lot in her depression period back in 2008.
She went to the wardrobe in the bedroom and pulled out a white-colored shoebox. In this box was everything which means alot to her. The first love letters, self-written poetry, painted pictures of her children or even valuable jewelery which she got over the years by her lovers or affairs.
Julia took out the brown hand-sized diary. She had to smile at the little signs of use. But the book has helped her to process some things. In particular, in situations like today where she had simply no answer of many of her questions.
She sat down with the book on the bed, took her iPhone and was looking for some music which match to her current mood. The playlist started with a pack of Dima's songs. The singer briefly took a deep breath as she read his name and the scrolled down the Playlist. His songs were now less helpful for her mess of emotions.
Julia played the song 'Moja Igra' of Vasta*. She listened to this song already countless of times in where she felt bad. Then she opened the book and was looking for the next free page.

February 9, 2012 ... once again a gray day in my life. Vladim has ended our relationship after two years. I don't even know if I am sad. Am I sad? Maybe, yes. But maybe it's just because that I am alone again. Maybe the relationship with Vladim was unconscious just for a status for me?
Relationship Status: in a relationship! Always sounds better as: Relationship  Status: Single.
Maybe I could never imagine beeing a single since I constantly slipped out of a relationship or affair to the next one. I never had the chance to think about what my life would be as a single (mother). Somehow I feel a sense of freedom. It is unfamiliar. I can do everything I want. Completely regardless. No questions anymore. No answers. Sounds promising.
Vladim made an offer to be there for me as a 'brother'. Whether this is a good idea? Can he turn off his feelings easily? Perhaps he never really loved me? He also needs the status: In a relationship? I don't know if I want to see Vladim ever again. But what about my children? They love him. And his children also enjoy spending time with my two angels. Maybe we should have a harmonious friendship just for our little ones?
I don't know ... it's just too early to decide that.
And what about Dima? Is Vladim right? What does he mean by 'hurting me'? It doesn't look as if Dima wants to hurt me. He would certainly not want to kiss me when he feels nothing for me? And what if he does all those things just for marketing? Maybe I'll just talk with him about it? But then I would tell him that I feel something for him. Should I tell him? Will he find out? What do I feel for him? Do I ever feel something for Dima?
Maybe I'm just incapable of having a normal relationship .. I'm too complicated ... and the man of my dreams only exists in fairy tales ...
That doesn't change the fact I'm alone now...without Dima. Without Vladim. Just alone...

Damn ..... Lubov ...Suka ... ...

Julia closed the diary and took a deep breath. She stared for a while on the book cover and decided to pick up her dog Viva. A long walk in nature with her dog was the only thing that could help her now to get back a clear mind again.

*Song: Listen to 'Moja Igra'
Julia talked about this song once in one of her twitter entries.

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